i know i am the only one who will read this. That is ok. No one reading this blog is alot better than everyone dissecting it like when you post things on Facebook. Alot of people's opions on Facebook are pompous and non educated. Many people post things just to be popular.
i wish i could get to the point where i can feel ok again. No matter how bad things were i always felt like things would be ok. Not great, but ok. Even when my mom passed away. i missed and still miss her like crazy and i felt angry towards God and the world, but i dunno.. it felt different. Now i don't know what is wrong. Most of the time i can't even think. It is like i am on automatic. i am surprised i can even muster up these few words. This is really big for me.
As i am writing this it is hard too. I am being annoyed by various things and also my mind is trying to creep back in itself.
i wish i could get drunk. i can't even have a drink anymore. It hurts my body too much. Can't smoke weed. Have no friends, except for Dale and Harley. No activities i want to do or can do. i feel like just like am disappearing.
The house is so messy and i try to clean it to no avail. When i have the energy too.. when i don't feel sick.. then it is messed up in two seconds by Harley, Dale and the dogs. We are so strapped for money. i work at a place that treats me like shit. Have worked there for 14 years. My health is not good and it is getting worse cuz of my overeating and my lack of exercise.
i don't know what to do.
i miss friends, family, drinking, pot, dancing, singing, reading, writing, exercising, walking, just being silly, going out of town to movies and such, being in good shape, health and mind. i miss me....
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