Not human

It it kinda good no one reads my stuff on here. They probably would think i am insane lol. i will be posting a fictional story i am currently writing about my mother. i miss her a lot. I know i have Harley and Dale, Tonya, Amanda, Brittany and Jordan. I just feel like i am alone most of the time. Every time someone in my family dies more of me dies too. i use to feel a warmth. i dunno how to explain. Just like someone was there with me. And now i just feel alone most of the time. i don't know what happened or what that is all about. i use to know what to do.. And now i feel like a shell. Like i don't really exist. i feel dumb with no answers. I feel like i am just taking up space. Most of the time i can't write or have no desire too. Same with drawing or just being a goofball. Or even watching movies or tv or reading a book. i don't know if that is my thyroid pills or what. i just woke up this way one day. Today is a half good day. i want to feel loved. i want to feel human. i just don't know what to do. Dale are Harley are outside playing with the goats. They have been doing that for a couple of hours. i have been doing basically nothing. Dale is kinda late for work. he will be going soon. Then i won't see him till 11 or later probably. i never get to do anything with him. My sisters do their own things. I havn't seen most of my friends in at least a year. Haven't done anything with them in 2. Everytime me and Har and Dale do anything.. it is usually rushed or something happens to ruin it. i am tired.... i wish i had answers. i wish i could get us out of this financial and well all over mess of our lives. Ya can't do that if your not human tho....