I really don't know what to do anymore...

Killswitch Engage - My Last Serenade [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

i don't know what i am going to do. i hope i will think of something

K. So our car had problems. We got it fixed for now. We owe 200 and something more dollars. The dude is really nice and said we can just pay him another 50 for right now. Problem is... besides being poorer than HELL and in debt up to our EYEBALLS.. our water pipe went BREAK. :-) We have no money for plumber, plus we need to pay this nice mechanic guy.... WELL, this morning, the wonderful cleaning lady he works for, called and said that the place he cleans for is going to hire their own cleaning person. SO. for right now, HE IS OUT OF THAT JOB. Granted it was only 8 hours a week... but WE ARE POOR. So he only has his school sweeper job. He usually gets 16 hours from there.. but lately he has been dropping the ball. His check was 10 dollars for ONE MONTH. 
MY JOB. Use to be full time and sometimes overtime. NOW 21 hours a week. YAY.
Really don't know what to do. Dale has way more work options than i do, but he PISSES THEM AWAY.
We tried to pawn stuff at our local pawn shop, BUT THAT IS A JOKE.
SO YA....
Not like anyone reads this, but it feels like i am not alone when i vent on here.

I wish i could travel

i would love to solve mysteries. i would be good at it too.
Like Noah's Ark. With hardly any research at all, i had a feeling it is at the bottom of the Sea of Marmara.
I did alot of research after the fact. i found out that is where alot of people, that have been searching for decades , think it is. It took me ten minutes looking at a map, when it took them decades researching and exploring. AHAHAHA!

FUCKING HUNGRAY

Fuck :-(

Scotty Doesn't Know

i feel so alone and so trapped.
All my friends are basically gone.

One of my best friends is living thursday.
She said she'll visit. 
That is what they all say...

My hubby is going to lose his jobs.
We can't live on my 1,000 a month
We are going to start getting our wages garnished anyway...

House is falling apart. A house we can get kicked out of anytime.

i'm alone all the time......
Tired of pretending i'm ok.
No one cares or understands.

i know i should move.. with what money???
i know i should get out there and make friends... i have so many health problems and no baby sitter...
i know i should find a new job... i have tried. The jobs that want me make it impossible for me to be home for my son. Can't leave a 9 year old home alone.
SO WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO????
i guess just sit here til they take me away to the crazy house....

Fear Factory - Invisible Wounds (Dark Bodies)

Fuck me so i feel it

Hate me
Hate me like you mean it. 
Fuck me, Fuck me so i feel it.
My body aches trembles and shakes.
Fuck it,
i don't care if this is a mistake.
Hate me, 
Hate me like you mean it.
Fuck me,
Fuck me so i feel it.
There is a darkness taking over me
Changing what i use to be.
Never again can i trust you.
Fuck it,
Throw me down and do what you want to.
Hate me,
Hate me like you mean it.
Fuck me,
Fuck me so i feel it.